BRUNCH PICTURES HAVE BEEN REMOVED BECAUSE I DON'T BELIEVE MY READERS ARE MATURE ENOUGH TO PROCESS CONTENT.
So let's talk about brunch.
Brunch has a special meaning to the athlete. It implies a reward for hours of hard work. To an athlete, brunch is sacred. We do it at ihop in sweats. We talk about athlete things. It probably involves little if any alcohol. However, there are pots of coffee, pancakes, eggs and endless fresh water. In the end you leave all carbed up for your 30 hour bike ride the next day.
For a NYC social butterfly brunch is also sacred but it resembles very little of the athlete brunch. It starts a little later, say 4pm instead of 10am. It sops up hangover instead of sweat and typically involves lots of alcohol and far less food. Food would just get in the way of the new alcohol battling the old. People typically gossip about the night before – no they weren't sleeping like us at 9pm. A PR is something you take post ruffies.
So, today I made a mistake. I assumed that I could do a social brunch instead of an athlete brunch. One of my favorite people was back in town from LA – and I do own one pair of casual non-sneakers. Why not? I'll tell you why not. Like an athletic event, these things require months of training. First, everyone was more beautiful than me which is just so annoying. They didn't have to 'win' pretty and gregarious – they just were. Could I mop up my self pity in pancakes? Hmm..didn't see any. I saw lots of pink drinks, a drag show and a burlesque show. There were no pancakes. Pretty, scantily clothed people without a single pancake or yard of spandex.
Don't get me wrong, it was all I could do not to hop out of my seat and sing the show tunes that I of course know EVERY word of. But no pancakes? I also gave away my true self when I expressed my amusement at one of the entertainer's elaborate nipple guards. Yeah, I know, they are only called that if you are a guy and running.
So, I never got any pancakes. It was too late when I got home. Oh well, I love you anyway llama – even if you don't like ugly people(says you). Welcome back to NYC. Maybe I'll bring you to athlete brunch next weekend. Is your bike in the city?